Cultural

Art Buchwald

“Leisure Will Kill You”

Art Buchwald (b. 1925), the nationally syndicated columnist, won the Pulitzer Prize for his humorous writings in 1982. Among his more than two dozen books are Washington Is Looking (1976), The Buchwald Stops Here (1978), While Reagan Slept (1983), and Laid Back in Washington (1981), from which the following selection is taken.

This country is producing so much leisure equipment for the home that nobody has any leisure time anymore to enjoy it. A few months ago I bought a television tape recorder to make copies of programs when I was out of the house.

      Last week I recorded the Nebraska-Oklahoma football game. When I came home in the evening, I decided to play it back. But my son wanted to play “Baseball” on the TV screen with his Atari Computer. We finished four innings when my wife came in the room and asked me if I would like to listen to the Vienna Opera on our hi-fi stereo set. I told her I was waiting to finish the baseball match so I could watch the football game I had recorded.

      She said if I watched the football game for three hours, I would miss Love Boat. I told her I would record Love Boat and we could watch it later in the evening. She protested that Casablanca was showing on Channel 5 at 11:30 and she wanted to see it again.

      “Don’t worry,” I assured her, “we can watch Love Boat late Saturday and Casablanca on Sunday morning when we get up.”

      “But if we watch Casablanca tomorrow morning when can we see the instant Polaroid movies you took of Ben yesterday afternoon?”

      “We’ll see them after we play backgammon on the new table.”

      “If we do that,” my daughter said, “we won’t be able to see the Washington Redskins–New York Giants football game.”

      “I’ll record the Redskins-Giants football game and we’ll watch it while 60 Minutes is on the air. We can see 60 Minutes at 11 o’clock.”

      “But,” my son said, “you promised to play the pinball machine with me at 11.”

      “Okay, we’ll play pinball at 11 and watch 60 Minutes at midnight.”

      My wife said, “Why don’t we listen to the Vienna Opera while we’re eating and then we can save an hour to play computer golf?”

      “That’s good thinking,” I said. “The only problem is I’ve rented a TV tape for Cleopatra and that runs for three hours.”

      “You could show it on Monday night,” she suggested.

      “I can't do that. I have to return the tape Monday afternoon or be charged for it another week. I have an idea. I won’t go to work Monday morning and we’ll watch it then.”

      “I was hoping to use our Jacuzzi Monday morning,” my wife said.

      “Okay, then I’ll tape Cleopatra and you can see it Monday afternoon.”

      “I’m using the set Monday afternoon,” my son said, “to play digital hockey on the TV screen.”

      “You can't do that,” I said. “I have to watch the Today show in the afternoon if I’m going to watch Cleopatra in the morning.”

      “Why can't you watch the Today show at dinnertime?” my wife asked.

      “Because the Wolfingtons are coming over to hear me play ‘Tea for Two’ on the electric organ.”

      “I thought we might play computer bridge at dinner,” my wife said.

      “We’ll play it after my encore,” I assured her.

      “Then when will we see Monday Night Football?” my son wanted to know.

      “Tuesday,” I said.

      “Does that mean you’re not going to work on Tuesday?” my wife asked.

      “How can I go to work,” I yelled, “when I’ve got so much leisure time on my hands?”

Suggestions for Discussion

1.     Explain Buchwald’s observation that “America is producing so much leisure equipment for the home that nobody has any leisure time anymore to enjoy it.” Do you agree? State your reasons.

2.     Discuss whether or not the conflicts that Buchwald sets up in his short essay are realistic, believable, and resolvable.

3.     Suggest solutions to the conflicts Buchwald identifies.

4.     Discuss Buchwald’s use of exaggeration and accumulated detail to give humor to his essay.

Suggestions for Writing

1.     Identify and discuss dangers to the individual and to the family posed by excessive amounts of leisure.

2.     Depict a busy scene in your own home.