CHAPTER TWELVE
Coordination and Subordination
Distinguish between main ideas and subordinate ideas in your sentences.
A pleasing style includes a variety of sentences. Variety includes different forms and elements to keep readers alert and expectant. No matter how varied you make your sentences, always keep readers on track by making a distinction between your major statements and the subordinate elements that support these statements. Your major statements are usually those you develop from sentence to sentence. Your minor statements are usually those that help add information to major statements. Your readers should be able to follow a train of ideas from sentence to sentence in your prose. Improper coordination or subordination can interrupt that flow and can make your readers struggle to understand the main points you are trying to make in your essays.
Improper Coordination: The children played happily, and the cars were parked haphazardly along the street, and the buildings on each side were old and falling down.
[The main thought in this sentence is difficult to find. Are we learning about cars or about streets or about children? But when we reorganize our thoughts, we can subordinate some ideas to the main statement we want to make.]
Revised: The children played happily in the streets between the parked cars and the dilapidated buildings.
[Now we know that the main thought in the sentence is that the children played happily. In addition to their happy playing, we have the details that cars were parked along the streets and that the adjoining buildings were dilapidated.]
Sometimes confusions caused by improper coordination are more complicated.
Improper Coordination: In the fields the cattle grazed placidly, and we heard nothing but the soft hum of insects and the singing of birds, and for the moment were safe from pursuit.
[This writer is trying to depict a vivid scene. But the triple compound sentence prepares us to believe that all these statements are closely related. Were we safe from pursuit because the cattle were grazing and because we heard nothing but the soft hum of insects and the singing of birds? The writer apparently meant something else, but this sentence makes this meaning obscure.]
Revised: In the fields the cattle grazed placidly, and we heard nothing but the soft hum of insects and the singing of birds. For the moment, we were safe from pursuit.
[Separating the last independent clause from the first two eliminates the impression that the thoughts expressed in all three are closely related. The first two clauses describe the scene; the last one, now an independent sentence, describes something slightly different—our safety.]
Avoid attaching clauses to each other unless there is some clear relation between them. Always be sure that the elements you join with various coordinating devices do indeed have equal status in the statements you wish to make. When elements are not equal or do not have a clear cause-and-effect relation, separate them or else subordinate them.
Not this: Chunks of ice floated in the pond, and he swam across it at its greatest width.
But this: Although chunks of ice floated in the pond, he swam across it at its greatest width.
a Give equal ideas equal value by proper coordination.
Establish equal emphasis between parts of a sentence by using coordinating conjunctions or suitable punctuation or both.
1 Coordinate words, phrases, or clauses, giving them equal emphasis to expand sentence ideas.
The conjunction “and” always calls for equal emphasis on the elements that it joins.
The bear ate the food in camp.
The bear and her cubs ate the food in camp.
[In the first statement, the subject is “bear.” It acts with the verb “ate” to make a statement. In the second sentence, the coordinating conjunction “and” makes a compound subject of the noun “bear” and the noun “cubs” so that both of them act together through the verb. The conjunction “and” joins equal elements.]
In the following sentences, notice how the conjunction “and” joins equal elements.
The bear and her cubs ate the food in camp and destroyed our tent.
At the end of our climb, we were hot and tired.
He drank only coffee, tea, and milk for a week.
She ran the marathon swiftly and tirelessly.
After reading her book and thinking about her arguments, I decided she was right.
When “and” is used to join unequal elements, confusion results. This confusion is called faulty parallelism.
His favorite pastimes were reading, walking, and he liked to skate on frozen ponds in winter.
[In this sentence, the words “reading” and “walking” prepare us to find a similar word after “and,” a word used as a gerund, such as “skating” or “singing” or “thinking.” Instead, we do not find another gerund but an independent clause, and we feel that something has been left out. We can amend the sentence in a couple of ways.]
His favorite pastimes were reading, walking, and skating.
A comma can sometimes replace the “and” in a series:
He zigzagged, fell, rolled, ran into my waiting hand.
E.B. White
[The comma after “rolled” coordinates the verbs in the sentence without the use of “and.”]
Wistfully, admiringly, the old voice added, “It’s snug in here, upon my word!”
Katherine Mansfield
[Mansfield
The conjunction “or” also joins equal sentence elements. It is not as common as “and.”
He could go by bus or by train.
They knew that they must work out their differences over money or else get a divorce.
Many convicted criminals have suffered neglect or abuse or both from their parents.
Confusion and a breakdown in parallelism can arise when “or” joins unequal elements.
They could see a movie, a play, or talk all night.
We feel that something is missing in such a sentence. We hesitate, go back over it to see if we have read it correctly, and then see that the breakdown in parallelism makes it seem that they could “see talk” all night. The writer must mean this instead:
They could see a movie, a play, or they could talk all night.
2 Coordinate thoughts you wish to stress equally by joining short, consecutive sentences.
With careful use, coordination can establish clear relations among equal elements in a sentence. Devices for coordination may make your prose more vivid.
They hesitate, and they regret, and sometimes they petition; but they do nothing in earnest and with effect.
Henry David Thoreau
[Written as short, consecutive sentences, Thoreau’s statement might not stress the close relations in these thoughts. He is denouncing the caution and the lack of effectiveness in some people. The roll of clauses joined by commas builds to a strong impact.]
When you use and, but, or, for, nor, yet, or so to connect independent clauses and thus coordinate related statements of equal importance, use a comma.
To act is to be committed, and to be committed is to be in danger.
James Baldwin
I buried my head under the quilts, but my aunt heard me.
Langston Hughes
[In both sentences, two related statements are joined by a coordinating conjunction that gives each statement a clear connection to the other.]
You can also use a semicolon to connect related statements that are equally important.
We walked, and he talked; the musical irresistible voice seemed to set the pace of our march.
Emlyn Williams
[Here the semicolon joins two independent clauses, giving them equal status without the help of a coordinating conjunction.]
Sometimes both a semicolon and a coordinating conjunction introduce an independent clause.
The hands of the man who sawed the wood left red marks on the billets; and the forehead of the woman who nursed the baby was stained with the stain of the old rag she wound around her head again.
Charles Dickens
[Here both the semicolon and the coordinating conjunction “and” serve to join two independent clauses.]
Exercise 1. Rewrite the following sentences to provide proper coordination of elements. You may want to write more than a sentence for some of the examples.
1. He loved to shave in the morning because he liked the softness of shaving cream, the clean feel of the razor on his cheek, the smell of his after-shave, and he enjoyed taking a shower, too.
2. We drove to Baltimore last month, and to Wilmington the month before that, and next month we hope to drive to Providence
3. Police officers in old movies often seem hard, cynical, and yet they are honest.
4. Truck drivers in this country complained bitterly about the 55-mile-an-hour speed limit, the high price of diesel fuel, and many of them refused to slow down.
5. Our friends would eat out on Saturday night, go to a movie, visit with each other, or they would do something else to have a relaxing good time.
b Give major ideas the emphasis they should have by subordinating minor ideas.
Subordination helps focus attention on major ideas. In many sentences, some ideas depend on others. For example, one condition or event may cause another; one event may come before another; one observation may explain another. Subordination establishes the dependence of one idea on another by shifting emphasis away from supporting elements so that major statements become clear.
1 Subordinate the less important to the more important in your sentences so your readers can tell the difference.
In the following sentences, readers would have trouble discerning the statements that carry the major line of thought that the writer wants to pursue.
[Each sentence in this paragraph is clear. But together, in this version, the sentences create confusion because they do not show proper subordination.]
This is a revised version:
With three tiny ships, Christopher Columbus discovered the New World in 1492, although he never understood just what he had done. Neither he nor any other educated person in his time believed that the world was flat. From the time of the Greeks two thousand years earlier, the educated had believed that the world was round and that by sailing west, a ship might arrive in Asia without having to sail around the tip of Africa . Because Columbus thought the world was much smaller than it is, he expected to find the East Indies, China , or Japan America
[Much more is involved in this revision than a simple combining of sentences, but the sentence combining does help. The writer has put down a series of short and seemingly disconnected sentences in a first draft. Then, in the second draft, he has thought about the main ideas he wants to present, and he has subordinated some lesser ideas to these main statements.]
The appropriate placing of words and phrases in a sentence helps subordinate ideas clearly. Sometimes writer rely on key words to state the precise relations between major and minor ideas. These key words, often called subordinators, help to build subordinate clauses. Commas may also set off subordinate sections from a part they modify, especially when some subordinated element opens the sentence.
How you place a subordinator in relation to the clause it introduces will affect the meaning of a sentence.
She did not eat because she was angry.
[In this sentence, her anger kept her from eating.]
She was angry because she did not eat.
[In this sentence, her anger was caused by her not eating.]
When the police arrived, the burglars ran away.
[In this sentence, the arrival of the police caused the burglars to flee.]
When the burglars ran away, the police arrived.
[In this sentence, the burglars were already gone when the police got there. The sentence may imply that the police did not do their duty.]
After he completed a fifty-yard pass, we cheered him.
[The sentence implies that the completed pass caused the cheers.]
After we cheered him, he completed a fifty-yard pass.
[The sentence implies that the cheers caused the completed pass.]
Relative pronouns—who, whom, that, which, what, whoever, whomever, whose—also signal subordinate elements in a sentence. Notice how the use of subordinators speeds up the pace of the following sentences.
Without Subordinators: My cousin does my taxes every year. He is an accountant. He helps me with many suggestions. These suggestions allow me to take several deductions. These deductions reduce my tax bill considerably.
With Subordinators: Because my cousin is an accountant, he does my taxes every year, suggesting several deductions that reduce my tax bill considerably.
Without Subordinators: Many amateur pilots fly ultralight aircraft. The ultralight aircraft was developed from the hang glider. Somebody decided to attach a small engine to a hang glider. Ultralight aircraft are hardly more than a tubular frame, a simple motor, flimsy wings, and a tail. The ultralight reduces flight to the essentials.
With Subordinators: Many amateur pilots fly ultralight aircraft, which were developed when somebody decided to attach a small engine to a hang glider. Because they are hardly more than a tubular frame, a simple motor, flimsy wings, and a tail, ultralight aircraft reduce flight to the essentials.
Clauses, phrases, and single words can all be subordinate units in a sentence, highlighting the major assertion of the sentence while providing supporting information. The subordinate element usually enlarges on some element in the main part of the sentence. As you rethink your first drafts, keep clearly in mind the main thoughts you want to communicate. Subordinate other elements to these main thoughts.
2 Join a series of short sentences or a string of poorly coordinated clauses by using embedding techniques.
Short sentences are easy to understand, but several of them coming one after another may be monotonous, even if they are all clear and correct. Short sentences may be confusing because they make it hard for readers to pick out the direction of your thought. The papers you write should have a clear direction or, as we generally call it, a thesis. You obscure that thesis sometimes with short, choppy sentences. You can make your purposes more clear if you use both subordinators and embedding techniques. The embedded elements may be short phrases that you write into a longer sentence to replace shorter sentences.
Good writers can compress a great deal of clear information into a few words by using embedding techniques. Don’t abbreviate your sentences so that they are unclear; rather combine thoughts into efficient, lively sentences that readers can quickly understand.
Sentences Without Embedded Elements: She was sad. She did not look back. She mounted the seawall. She was bowed by her burden of failure, sorrow, and self-contempt.
Sentence With Embedded Elements: Sadly, without looking back, she mounted the seawall, bowed by her burden of failure, sorrow, and self-contempt.
Constance Holme
[Several of the sentences in the first version have been reduced to modifiers in the second version. We say that the ideas expressed in the several sentences in the first version have been embedded in the second.]
Sentences Without Embedded Elements: We can turn poetry toward biology. We can suggest a closer relationship between them. This creation of a relationship would follow a long line of similar suggestions. Other disciplines have made these suggestions.
Sentence With Embedded Elements: To turn poetry toward biology and to suggest a closer relationship between them is only to follow a long line of similar suggestions made by other disciplines.
Elizabeth Sewell
[Several separate sentences in the first version have been changed to embedded elements in the second version.]
Sentences Without Embedded Elements: That stick has an explosive charge. The coyote tugs at it. It shoots some cyanide into the mouth of the coyote.
Sentence With Embedded Elements: That stick has an explosive charge that shoots some cyanide into the mouth of the coyote who tugs at it.
Sentences Without Embedded Elements: The White Star liner Titanic was the largest ship the world had ever known. The Titanic sailed from Southampton on her maiden voyage to New York
Sentence With Embedded Elements: The White Star liner Titanic, the largest ship the world had ever known, sailed from Southampton on her maiden voyage to New York
Hanson W. Baldwin
Sentences Without Embedded Elements: She was falling asleep. Her head was bowed over the child. She was still aware of a strange, wakeful happiness.
Sentence With Embedded Elements: Even as she was falling asleep, head bowed over the child, she was still aware of a strange, wakeful happiness.
Katherine Anne Porter
By varying techniques, you can embed several enriching thoughts within one base sentence, transforming a whole group of ideas into a statement in which unstressed elements modify main ideas precisely. By using coordination along with subordination, you can expand your options for embedding and transforming sentences.
The fissions generate heat, and in a power reactor this heat produces steam, which drives electric turbines.
Jeremy Bernstein
[The comma and the conjunction “and” connect two independent clauses through coordination; the comma and the relative pronoun “which” subordinate an idea by means of a relative clause. The prepositional phrase “in a power reactor” embeds a subordinate idea, too.]
Equality with whites will not solve the problems of either whites or Negroes if it means equality in a world society stricken by poverty and in a universe doomed to extinction by war.
Martin Luther King Jr.
[The conjunctions “either . . . or” coordinate two objects of the preposition “of”; the conjunction “and” coordinates two prepositional phrases. A subordinate clause begins at the word “if.” The participial phrases—”stricken by poverty” and “doomed to extinction by war”—embed ideas. All seven prepositional phrases serve subordinating functions as well.]
3 Avoid using so many subordinate structures—clauses or phrases—that you obscure the main statement of a sentence.
Although subordinating elements of a sentence help clarify your main statement, you can do too much of a good thing. Too much subordination may distract your readers and confuse your main statement. It is always good to write sentences that make a clear statement. Subordinate elements may add important information to that statement. But if you add too much information, the main statement may get fuzzy.
Less Clear: He was a stamp collector of considerable zeal who bought stamps at the post office on the day they were issued and fixed them with loving care in large books which had leather bindings, treasuring them not merely for themselves but for the enormous profit that he hoped to gain from them in the passage of years when they had increased in value.
More Clear: A stamp collector of considerable zeal, he bought stamps at the post office on the day they were issued and fixed them carefully in large, leatherbound books. He prized them not for themselves but for the enormous profit he hoped to gain from them when, after many years, they had increased in value.
Less Clear: Jackson Bingle, leader of the rock group called the Howlers, who had been known for his ability to scream over the sound of drums, a primal shriek that had amazed critics and delighted audiences while dismaying parents, learned during his annual physical, administered by Dr. T. Summers, head physician of Whooping Crane Hospital, that he had lost seven-eighths of his hearing, so he told reporters this morning.
More Clear: Jackson Bingle told reporters this morning that he had lost seven-eighths of his hearing. Bingle, leader of the rock group called the Howlers, had been known for his ability to scream over the sound of drums. His was a primal shriek that had amazed critics and delighted audiences. It also dismayed parents. Bingle said he learned of his hearing loss during his annual physical administered by Dr. T. Summers, head physician of Whooping Crane Hospital
c Choose clear connectors.
Most connecting words signal specific and unambiguous relations; for instance, to coordinating conjunction “but” clearly indicates contrast, and the subordinating conjunction “because” clearly indicates cause. A few connectors, however, require careful use, either because they are ambiguous in many contexts and may therefore confuse the reader or because they are often misused in current English.
1 Avoid ambiguous connectors such as “as” and “while.”
The subordinating conjunction “as” can indicate several kinds of adverbial relations, including comparison and time.
Comparison: He was working as rapidly as he could.
Time: The instructor finally arrived as the class was leaving.
“As” is sometimes used to indicate cause, but in that sense it is often ambiguous and should be avoided.
Ambiguous: As I was in town, I visited some old friends. [Time or cause intended?]
Clear: When I was in town, I visited some old friends. [Time.]
or
Clear: Because I was in town, I visited some old friends. [Cause.]
The subordinating conjunction “while” can indicate either time or concession. Unless the context makes the meaning of “while” unmistakably clear, choose a more exact connector.
Ambiguous: While we were working nearby, we did not hear the burglars enter. [Time or concession?]
Clear: When we were working nearby, we did not hear the burglars enter. [Time.]
or
Clear: Although we were working nearby, we did not hear the burglars enter. [Concession.]
2 Avoid misused connectors such as “as,” “like,” and “while.”
The use of “as” as a substitute for “whether” or “that” is nonstandard—that is, it violates the conventions of spoken and written standard English.
Nonstandard: He was not sure as he could come.
Revised: He was not sure whether (or that) he could come.
Although the preposition “like” is often used as a conjunction in informal speech and in advertising (Dirt-Away works like a soap should), writing and formal speech generally require the conjunction “as,” “as if,” or “as though.”
Informal Speech: It seemed like the examination would never end.
Writing: It seemed as if (as though) the examination would never end.
The subordinating conjunction “while” is sometimes carelessly used in the sense of “and” or “but,” creating faulty subordination.
Faulty: My sister wants to study medicine while I want to study law.
Revised: My sister wants to study medicine, and I want to study law.
Exercise 2. Substitute a clear or correct connector in the following sentences where “as,” “while,” and “like” are ambiguous or misused.
SAMPLE He looked to me like he had slept in his clothes.
ANSWER He looked to me as if he had slept in his clothes.
1. The poet looked like he had never read in public before.
2. Many writers use “he” to denote both males and females, while others avoid the usage.
3. As I was going home for Thanksgiving, my mother cooked a squash pie for me.
4. Some banks now charge for each transaction, like the monthly charge weren’t enough of a burden for customers.
5. As teachers and legislators worry about the literacy of high school students, the situation may improve.
Exercise 3. The following paragraph contains instances of faulty, excessive, or ineffective coordination or subordination. Rewrite the paragraph in the way you think most effective to emphasize main ideas.
Sir Walter Raleigh personified the Elizabethan Age, which was the period during which Elizabeth I ruled England Raleigh Raleigh Elizabeth Elizabeth Raleigh in the Tower of London
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