CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sentence Logic
Every sentence should make a statement that may be easily understood by readers. Short, simple sentences offer little difficulty:
The world came to life at dawn.
The Mets won the 1986 World Series.
The snow fell softly all night long.
Such sentences clearly answer all or some of the five questions we ask when we read anything: Who? Where? What? When? Why? What came to life? The world. What happened? The world came to life. When? At dawn. Who won the 1986 World Series? The Mets. What did the Mets do? They won the 1986 World Series. When? In 1986.
When we read any sentence, we look for answers to some of these questions. Any sentence must give us some of these answers if it is to tell us anything. Even when your sentences are long and complicated, you may simplify your thinking about them by asking which of these questions they answer. And sometimes you will see that you need to answer more of these questions than your sentence manages. What questions does the following sentence answer?
To ride a horse into battle would have been to come to the field already prepared for flight, and such was against the Saxon battle ethic, which decreed that if a man’s lord died on the field, he could not leave it alive.
James Burke
[The most important question answered here is “Why?” Why did the Saxon warriors not fight on horseback? Because the horse offered a chance for flight, and the Saxon battle ethic made flight impossible. Who is this sentence about? The Saxon warrior who came to fight under the leadership of a lord. What are we talking about here? The custom of not riding a horse into battle.]
Few sentences will answer all five W-questions. But every sentence must answer one or more of them clearly. If your sentence does not answer at least one of these questions, or if it gives a vague, weak, or confusing answer, you should rewrite it. Study the following sentence to see how many W-questions it answers:
Every day meteorites plunge to Earth and add at least a quarter of a ton to our planet’s mass.
Roy A. Gallant
What are we talking about? Meteorites. What happens? They plunge to Earth and add at least a quarter of a ton to our planet’s mass. When? Every day.
In a clear sentence, we quickly see the interrelations of the questions the sentence answers. We feel uncomfortable when parts of a sentence do not answer related questions. What is going on here? Am I missing something? Questions like these confuse readers and then irritate them.
Born in Lincoln , Nebraska
[The “who” of the sentence is “my mother.” The “what” is “loved potato chips.” The “where” is “Lincoln , Nebraska Lincoln , Nebraska Lincoln , Nebraska Lincoln , Nebraska
Clarence, who learned to type when he was fifteen years old, had a ruddy complexion.
[The sentence tells us who. “Clarence.” But it gives us two seemingly unrelated answers to the question “what?” Clarence learned to type when he was fifteen; he had a ruddy complexion. What do these answers have to do with each other?]
When you ask someone a direct question, you expect a coherent reply. When someone gives you several unrelated answers to the question, you are confused. You want a clear, logical, and direct answer. You want to understand as quickly as you can. Your sentences, answering questions for your readers, should give those answers as efficiently as possible.
a Prune away irrelevant details.
Unnecessary information may confuse your readers by blurring the central thought of your sentence. Everything in a sentence must support the central statement. In casual conversation, you might say something like this:
Clifford Jenkins—you know, his brother runs the restaurant right next to the stadium where people regularly get food poisoning—well, Clifford took the opening kickoff and ran it back 103 yards for a touchdown.
But when you are writing, you must rim away irrelevant statements that enter your conversation.
Clifford Jenkins took the opening kickoff and ran it back 103 yards for a touchdown.
In the rapid writing of a first draft, you may throw in irrelevant details as you try to put down everything you know about a topic. When you revise, cut out these details so that everything in each of your sentences will contribute to the major statement you wish to make in it.
First Draft: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain, who lectured widely in the United States and Great Britain
[Why does Mark Twain’s lecturing have anything to do with his book, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn?]
Revised: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain, received only one review when it was published in 1884.
Oftentimes you can revise a sentence so that all the details you throw into your first draft can be made to support the major purpose of the sentence:
Although Mark Twain lectured widely in the United States and Great Britain
[In this version, the principal questions answered by the sentence are these: What happened? When did it happen? What happened was that Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn received only one review. That happened when it was published in 1884. Although Mark Twain was a well-known figure, his story of Huckleberry Finn received only one review. The introductory statement makes us think that we might have expected one thing but that something else happened. We know why the two statements are connected.]
But you should never cram your sentences with too many ideas. As a general rule, you should aim at stating one central idea in every sentence. When you have several important ideas to communicate, put them in separate sentences.
Mixed Ideas: World War I began on July 28, 1914, when the Austrians, whose army was huge but badly commanded and badly supplied and was also made up of many rival nationalities, attacked the city of Belgrade, in what was then called Serbia, though today it is a part of the nation of Yugoslavia.
[This sentence is confused because it contains too much information. What is its main purpose? Is it to tell us when the war began? Or is it to tell us why the Austrian army was much weaker than it appeared? Or is it to tell us where Belgrade
Revised: World War I began on July 28, 1914, when the Austrians attacked the city of Belgrade in what was then called Serbia Russia Europe was in conflict.
[Each independent clause or sentence in this version makes one clear statement. Each statement fits closely to the statement that comes after it. To understand the general purpose of this text, we can ask the question “What happened?” What happened was that an attack on one city in Serbia
When in an early draft you create a sentence with mixed ideas, you can often revise by making a separate sentence for each idea. Sometimes you may be tempted to throw in unnecessary information to show readers how much you know. Then you must revise by eliminating the unnecessary information altogether.
Mixed Ideas: Small computers, which have become a new source of trade rivalry between the United States and Japan
[The major statement in this sentence concerns the tiny silicon chip at the heart of small computers. The information about the place of the computer in trade rivalry between the United States and Japan
Revised: Small computers most often have at their heart a tiny silicon chip, which may contain thousands of circuits capable of millions of different combinations.
Exercise 1. Rewrite the following sentences to clarify the main statement in each of them. You may choose to revise to make two sentences with related thoughts if you want to express two distinct main statements. You may want to leave out some of the information given in the sentences so that the statements you preserve will be clear.
1. My mother, who always hated to wash windows or clean house but preferred to work in her flower garden, worked on newspapers for twenty years in places as diverse as Beaumont , Texas , and Montgomery , Alabama
2. Notoriously hard to spell and difficult grammatically, the English language has spread all over the world largely because of the power and influence of the United States and the British Empire and Commonwealth.
3. Scurvy, a disease once common among sailors who spent many weeks at sea, can be prevented by eating citrus fruits, which grow in warm climates and can be preserved at sea because of their thick skins.
4. Born in 1809, when the independence of the United States had been recognized by Great Britain
5. If Lincoln had not sent ships to supply the federal garrison at Ft. Sumter in Charleston
6. The greatest center for making glass in the Middle Ages was Venice in Italy
7. Terrorism is one of the frightening symbols of modern society because it is violent, bloody, and merciless and often completely anonymous, since the terrorists sometimes do not know and do not care who their victims are, but they know that a bomb exploding in an airport or a bullet tearing through the body of a police officer will get publicity, which they think will make them look important in the eyes of the world, and they think that if they are important, they may be able to get their way.
b Organize the elements of your sentences to give the greatest emphasis to the most important parts of your statements.
The most emphatic places in a sentence are the beginning and the end. The human mind picks up beginnings and endings better than it picks up middles. That is one reason most sentences begin with the subject. The person, place, or thing that the sentence is going to be about comes first so that readers will have it in their minds for the rest of the sentence. Think about your sentences enough to have a clear idea about those elements that you most want to emphasize.
Weak and Illogical: When you are looking for a good book, try The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which you will find to be a great one.
Better: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is one of the greatest books in American literature.
Weak and Illogical: He opposed Russian tyranny in Poland , Czechoslovakia , and Afghanistan
[The illogic in this sentence comes from the weakness of the language that reports such important thoughts. Serious thoughts should have an emphatic place in the sentence that reports them.]
Better: Although he strongly opposed Russian tyranny in Poland , Czechoslovakia , and Afghanistan
c Clearly establish cause and effect in your sentences.
Be logical when you attribute an effect to a cause, and avoid statements that imply causal relations that you do not intend.
English syntax often helps make statements about cause and effect. (Syntax is the name we give to the customary ways of putting words together to form phrases, clauses, and sentences.) The most obvious example is the use of “because” to introduce a dependent clause.
The experiment failed because the lab technicians had not cleaned the instruments.
The airship Voyager succeeded in making the first nonstop round-the-world flight because it could carry so much fuel relative to its light weight.
Words such as for, since, therefore, thus, and so also make causal connections between one part of a sentence and another or between sentences.
Since his doctor ordered him to stop drinking coffee, he says he feels much better.
He felt sad and lonely and depressed, for no one in the dorm seemed to like him.
She worked hard, so she could graduate in three years.
The temperature during the storm hung just below the freezing point. Therefore the snow stuck to the branches of the trees and to the electric and telephone wires, causing much damage.
Often adverbs like when, after, and before imply cause-and-effect relations.
When they had biked for four hours, they were hungry.
[The use of the clause introduced by “when” implies that the biking caused them to get hungry.]
After Scarlett saw how much Ashley grieved for Melanie, she realized that he had always loved his wife.
[The use of the clause introduced by “after” implies that Scarlett’s awareness that Ashley had always loved his wife came because she saw how much Ashley grieved for Melanie.]
Sometimes placing two ideas closely together in a sentence implies a cause-and-effect relation.
She had a great talent for design, and she did well in architecture.
[Putting the two statements together implies that one helps cause the other. You could make the causal relation more explicit: Because she had a great talent for design, she did well in architecture.]
Jack bought a video cassette recorder, and he and his family started watching movies at home every night.
[The cause of Jack’s watching movies at home with his family was that he bought a video cassette recorder.]
Confusion may arise when a writer puts two ideas together so that readers think some cause-and-effect relation exists between them when in fact the writer intends no such thing.
In 1950 the most popular song in America was “Tennessee Waltz,” and the United States went to war in Korea
[Was the popularity of “Tennessee Waltz” the cause of the Korean War? A reader may think that the writer means just that. The thought needs filling out to clarify the writer’s point: the two different and contradictory things were happening at the same time, not that one was the cause of the other.]
In 1950, when the most popular song in America was the slow, dreamy “Tennessee Waltz,” the United States went to war in Korea
[Now the thoughts are joined; the peacefulness of the “Tennessee Waltz” is contrasted with the end of the peaceful dream for those young men who went off to fight in Korea
Confusion may also result from the joining of a dependent clause to an independent clause in such a way that cause-and-effect relation seems to be implied.
When he saw the movie Casablanca
[Did the movie Casablanca
While he was watching the movie Casablanca
Some words establish negative relations. These include words like but, although, and however. Often we wish to make a statement that sets up certain expectations in the minds of readers. But we wish to tell them that these expectations will not be fulfilled. We say things like this:
Although seat belts save lives in automobile accidents, most motorists refuse to wear them.
[“Although” tells us that an expectation will not be met. Seat belts save lives in automobile accidents; we should expect people to wear them. But they refuse to wear them. The expectation fails. “Although” lets us know that there will be an expectation and that it will fail.]
Here are some other examples of statements that raise expectations that a word in the sentence shows us are not fulfilled.
I would love to graduate at the head of my class; however I hate to study.
The triathlon, a race where contestants swim, bike, and run great distances, has become one of America
Words like but, however, and although tell us that we might expect some relation of cause and effect but that in fact the expected relation does not exist. Use these words only when you are trying to set up an expectation that you wish to contradict.
Confusion results if you use one of these words to join two statements that are unrelated to each other.
Although I like to read, television is exciting.
[The first statement, “I like to read,” does not have any clear relation to the second statement, “television is exciting.” What does liking to read have to do with exciting television? The writer meant to say something else.]
Although I like to read, it is easier for me to watch an exciting television show in the evening when I am too tired to concentrate on the printed page.
[Now the relation is clear. When I say “I like to read,” you expect me to say that I read every evening. But I contradict that expectation by saying that I find it easier to watch television at night when I am too tired to concentrate on the printed page.]
Be sure to establish clear relations between statements joined by although, however, but, and other such words. Adding some information will often show readers how you relate the statements in your own mind.
Although my Aunt Anastasia was old, I loved to hear her stories about her childhood in Greece
[Does the writer mean that she is surprised to discover that old people are interesting?]
Although my Aunt Anastasia was old and spoke slowly in a soft voice I could scarcely hear, I sat for hours by her chair, straining to hear the stories she told about her childhood in Greece
[Now we have enough information to understand the “although” that begins the sentence, and the sentence logic is plain.]
Be especially careful to make clauses beginning with “if” and “when” show a clear causal relation to the rest of the sentence. Sometimes writers will say this:
If you see that movie, it is great.
[The implication here is that if you do not see that movie, it is not great. The writer means to say something else.]
If you see that movie, you will agree that it is great.
[Now the clause beginning with “if” has a clear causal connection to the rest of the sentence.]
Some writers will say this:
When you see the Grand Canyon for the first time, all the photographs cannot show how grand it is.
They mean to say this:
When you see the Grand Canyon for the first time, you will realize that all the photographs of it you have seen cannot show how grand it is.
Exercise 2. Where necessary, rewrite the following sentences to eliminate faulty patterns of cause and effect. Be creative. Use your imagination to add information when it is necessary to establish sentence logic.
1. Personal computers were known twenty years ago, and Elvis Presley was in his prime.
2. Steroids have been shown to produce a host of illnesses including cancer while they are helping build huge, muscular bodies for weight lifters and football players, and athletes often use them.
3. Aspirin is a potent pain reliever because some doctors believe that too much aspirin may damage the kidneys.
4. If you see a Woody Allen movie, he captures the humor and suffering of middle-class urban men and women today.
5. When you go to college, many teachers love to write and talk to students about research and writing.
6. Although seat belts save lives, my friend Jack was severely injured when he was thrown out of his car when it hit a curb and the door flew open.
7. I wrote five drafts of my paper, but writing is difficult for me.
8. Athens , Greece , is the most polluted city in Europe now, and the Acropolis draws millions of tourists every year, and the fumes from cars passing in the streets are destroying the marble monuments from antiquity.
9. If you go to Monticello
10. Although the Natural History Museum
d Limit generalizations.
Avoid sweeping statements that assert too much on too little evidence. Whenever you are tempted to say that all members of a group share some quality or when you are tempted to say that something has been the best or the worst of a class, or when you start to use words such as “always” and “never,” be sure your statement is limited enough to be true. Sweeping generalizations give the impression that the writer has not studied the material enough to be aware of the exceptions that serious observers know about. If you make sweeping generalizations, you will risk losing authority with your readers.
Faulty Generalization: Students nowadays lack dedication and seriousness, and they seldom read anything worthwhile.
Better: Some students I have known lack dedication and seriousness, and they seldom read anything but the sports pages and the comics.
Faulty Generalization: Football coaches think they are the symbols of real Americanism because they are emotional, hardworking, and dedicated to winning.
Better: Man fans believe football coaches are symbols of real Americanism because they are emotional, hardworking, and dedicated to winning.
Faulty Generalization: There never has been another play as good as Macbeth.
Better: Macbeth stirs audiences because Macbeth’s flaws are so much the flaws of all of us—ambition that may overpower every tender feeling in its drive to the top.
Faulty Generalization: Hemingway didn’t believe in his own manhood because his mother kept him dressed up like a little girl for such a long time so that he always had to go around proving himself.
Better: The heroes in Hemingway’s novels are continually trying to prove their manhood by being brave in dangerous situations, and in real life Hemingway tried to project a vigorous manly image that now seems almost foolish. Was he trying to prove something to himself? His mother dressed him in girl’s clothes until he was ready to go to school. It may be that he was cursed throughout his life with the fear that perhaps he was not manly enough.
Exercise 3. Rewrite the following sentences to qualify sweeping generalizations. Don’t be afraid to change words if the changes help you improve the sentences.
Example:
Sweeping Generalization
Everyone is agreed that Faulkner’s story “A Rose for Emily” is not one of his best works because, they say, it is too melodramatic.
Limited Generalization
Some critics tell us that Faulkner’s story “A Rose for Emily” is not one of his best works because, they say, it is too melodramatic.
1. In Detroit
2. My cousin Charles was furious because he could not get anybody to speak English when he asked directions in Paris France
3. Members of the crime syndicates are always photographed smoking cigars, and the cigar has long been regarded as a symbol of success by everyone who thinks about such things.
4. The recent photographs of the ship Titanic lying on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean since it sank in 1912 prove that travel by ship was much more dangerous than travel by airplane is today.
5. Colstrop’s necktie was found at the scene of the murder along with his wristwatch, his notebook, and a pair of his trousers. So he was the killer, and the police have arrested him.
e Avoid mixed images.
Carelessness in using colorful, figurative language can confuse readers. This confusion is especially likely to materialize when we rely on familiar, overworked expressions called clichйs. Here are some common clichйs:
acid test dead as a doornail
bottom line launched out into the deep
cold, hard facts nipped in the bud
cold light of day noses to the grindstone
There are hundreds more. You can usually recognize a clichй‚ because the beginning almost immediately makes us think of the end. When we hear somebody say, “It’s like looking for a needle in a .....,” we can fill in the blank with “haystack.” If we hear that someone is as neat as a ....., we can fill in the blank with “pin.”
Clichйs have a sameness to them, a predictability, that makes for dead language. And sometimes they can lead to unintentional humor, when writers forget what they are saying in an effort to be colorful.
People in every walk of life can climb the ladder of success by launching out into the deep and keeping their noses to the grindstone.
[If we think of these images at all, we are bound to be confused. Is there a ladder on the boat that is going to launch out into the deep? And how are we going to climb that ladder if we must haul a grindstone up with us?]
He took off like a rocket in his new job and came up smelling like a rose.
[Can you imagine a rocket that smells like a rose?]
She was as busy as a bee, and the bottom line was that her drawings sold like hotcakes.
[It is hard to imagine a bee that would make hotcakes or that would be concerned with the bottom line.]
Exercise 4. Rewrite the following sentences to eliminate the mixed images. You may wish to change a clichй‚ altogether and write a simple, declarative sentence.
Example:
Mixed Images
My opponents wish to put their heads in the sand and ride roughshod over those like me who point to the skeletons in their closets.
Revised
My opponents wish to hide from reality and attack anyone who calls attention to their previous faults.
1. She burned the midnight oil until the crack of dawn.
2. He insisted on passing the buck; so he nipped his chance for success in the bud and made his prospects as dead as a doornail.
3. We’ve got to get the lead out if we expect to improve the bottom line.
4. They took the primrose path, but it became painfully obvious that they were doomed to disappointment.
5. My opinions ran off him like water off a duck’s back.
6. She called a spade a spade and sometimes acted like a bull in a china shop so that people avoided her like the plague.
7. They agreed to split the work and the profits fifty-fifty, but Horace wouldn’t buckle down and put his shoulder to the wheel; so there was a fly in the ointment right off the bat.
f When you define a word, use other concrete words.
Don’t define a word by repeating it or by using one of its cognates.
Repetitious Definition: A grammar book teaches you grammar.
[If you don’t know what grammar is, this definition will not help you; if you do know what grammar is, you do not need the definition.]
Better: A grammar book explains the system of rules about word endings and word order that allows a language to communicate.
Repetitious: A floppy disc is a disc used in a computer.
Better: A floppy disc is a small, flat, circular sheet of magnetized plastic that looks a little like a 45 rpm phonograph record. It is used in personal computers to store information much as a tape is used in cassette recorders.
Words should not be defined by their cognates. Cognates are words that come from the same root. “Grammar” and “grammatical” are cognates. So are “describe” and “description,” “narrate” and “narration,” “compute” and “computer,” and “nostalgic” and “nostalgia.”
Repetitious: A community is a group with communal interests that communicates within itself.
Better: A community is a group that shares similar ceremonies, goals, habits, and patterns of work as well as information about its members.
Repetitious: Students of ancient history study ancient persons and events.
Better: Students of ancient history explore the art, artifacts, and literature of the period that began with the invention of writing about three thousand years before Christ and ended with the fall of the Roman Empire in the West.
Avoid definitions that use the words “is when.”
Awkward and Unclear: Fascism is when you have a dictator who wears a uniform and controls everybody with the secret police and won’t allow freedom of the press or assembly.
Better: Fascism is a political system usually characterized by a military dictator ruling the state with the help of secret police. A Fascist state may use terror and strict censorship of the press to limit popular assemblies and suppress freedom of speech.
Exercise 5. Rewrite the following sentences to give proper definitions. Use the dictionary when necessary.
1. An accident is when you have something happen accidentally that is unexpected and usually harmful, although accidents can be lucky, too.
2. A traffic jam is when traffic is jammed up on the streets.
3. Inflation is when you have inflated prices.
4. A quarterback is a back on a football team.
5. A poet is a man or a woman who writes poetry.
6. The English House of Commons is the representative body of the common people in Great Britain
7. Oil lubricates because it is extremely oily.
8. Anger is when someone gets angry at somebody else.
9. Beauty is when you think that something is beautiful.
10. A bookshelf is a shelf where books are placed.
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